


Should Have Known

by calicoJill



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Beau is gay and scared of love, Cone of truth is op, F/F, Nott the Best Detective agency figures out another mystery, The usual., Yasha is oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 23:43:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15806964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calicoJill/pseuds/calicoJill
Summary: All the signs were there that something in their relationship had changed but what- Yasha didn't know. It isn't until Beau gets caught in the cone of truth and suffers Jester's unorthodox detective skills does the truth come out.





	Should Have Known

She should have seen the signs. It had been clear for some time and yet Yasha was blind to it. Like a child she took Beau at her word. Believed her when she said that all she wanted was a good time. "Friends with benefits" as Beau had put it. An arrangement that seemed to suit them both. They could release their sexual tension but they weren't beholden to each other. For Yasha, it meant she could leave, free of guilt at any moment, and for Beau it meant she could continue to flirt and charm as many women as she wanted. No strings attached... But she should have known better.

 

She should have known when their usual routine of rough sex became more sensual... When Beau would kiss her longer... slower and with more passion... When she would lay atop her afterwards and relax against her naked body instead of immediately rolling over to sleep. The change was clear, but outside of the bedroom, Beau continued to flirt with other women and carry on as if nothing had changed, and Yasha accepted it- believed her.

 

She should have known when Beau started to nonchalantly give Yasha flowers that she saw, instead of pulling the buds off and leaving a trail of flower petals behind her. She'd never shown interest in flowers before. In fact she often rolled her eyes when Jester would excitedly braid them into her hair. But now... Beau could recite all the different types of flowers that grew in any one part of the empire, and would tell Yasha a little bit about each of the flowers she had collected for her. Yasha hadn't thought much of it. Beau had become more open to each of them in a way, making small gestures as offerings of her friendship. This seemed no different.

 

She should have known when after sex, Beau still close to her, sometimes with her head resting on Yasha's chest, would start to ask her about herself... About how she ended up with the circus despite not being the "circus type." or what the little line on her chin meant. She would ask her about her family and about her homeland. It wasn't _not_ like Beau to ask questions... but it was a change from the usual routine of sex, followed almost immediately by sleep.

 

She should have known when Beau started offering up facts about herself unprompted. Beau started to open up to her whenever the two of them were alone... She would tell her things she hadn't told any other member of their party. She told her all about her father and what he'd done to her, and why she resented him while at the same time thought maybe he was right about her all along. She was vulnerable with her... a side of Beau she'd never really seen before, and yet she still couldn't see what was happening.

 

She should have known when she caught Beau watching her from across the table with the smallest of smiles on her face. Yasha hadn't said anything to garner the reaction, she'd simply been quietly listening to Nott and Caleb banter with one another over who would pay for their breakfast that morning and yet somehow she had managed to catch Beau's attention. She had watched her for the better part of a few minutes, seemingly lost in thought as her eyes focused in on their target. Eventually Beau noticed Yasha cocking an eyebrow in her direction and Beau seemed to catch herself... and looked to her lap in confusion and something akin to fear. Yasha never caught her looking at her like that again.

 

She should have known when Beau stopped flirting with her altogether. It was... strange, the day Yasha noticed that that flirting had stopped. Beau almost seemed... distant. Quieter. No one else seemed to notice or say anything so Yasha figured that perhaps she was reading too far into it. Beau still joined her in bed when Yasha offered. Perhaps Beau felt she simply didn't need to try anymore. They already had an arrangement. A part of Yasha was disappointed by that idea but, those were the terms they had agreed to and so she carried on and pretended that the distance didn't bother her as it didn't seem to bother Beau.

 

She should have known when Beau stopped saying goodbye whenever Yasha would leave... When everyone else said a heartfelt goodbye and wished her a safe journey, Beau would instead stare into her cup of ale as if she had better things to do. She would avoid eye contact when Yasha would call her name and would simply acknowledge her with a half-hearted wave before going back to her drink. Yasha would pretend that it didn't sting, but the ache in her chest was there all the same.

 

She should have known when Beau seemed to start to prefer the company of a paid woman even when Yasha had returned to the party. While disappointed, Yasha assumed Beau had grown tired of the routine they had created. She had felt a small pang in her chest at the rejection, but they had agreed; "no strings attached." Beau was free to do as she wished. She reasoned away her pain. It had been fun while it lasted.

 

She should have known. But she didn't. Not until once again Nott and Jester were on another case, interrogating a poor old woman in the tavern they were staying at about anything suspicious she'd seen the night before. Jester had once again cast cone of truth to get to the bottom of her investigation and in true Jester fashion, when she was done interrogating the subject, she turned her inquiry onto her friends. She started with Caleb, asking him about what colour his underpants were and any other silly and uncomfortable questions she could think of.

 

Beau sat back in her chair, feet propped up on the table as she casually drank some form of alcohol, and listened in on her friend's antics with amusement before the questions were turned on her.

 

"Beau!"

 

Beau arched her brows and paused in her drinking, suddenly aware that her amusement at Caleb's suffering had bit her in the ass and now it was her turn to suffer the indignation of Jester's attention.

"Do you love me?"

 

Beau arched a brow and with a dead pan voice replied "Yeah, Jester." before taking another drink.

 

Jester gasped in delighted shock as though she had uncovered some great scandal. " _Beau!_ "

 

"I'm not _in love_ with you." Beau clarified with an amused smirk and Jester's grin faltered.

 

"Oh." Jester pouted for half a second before her eyes lit up again. "Are you in love with _Yasha_?"

 

Beau continued to grin and began to answer "N..." and the word got stuck in her throat... and refused to form in her mouth... She tried again and once again the spell prevented the word from forming. Beau's grin fell and fear and panic formed in her gut as she looked about the table like a trapped animal at all the curious eyes on her. She tried again to force the word out and again she struggled... Time seemed to drag as she noticed each set of eyes on her start to register what was happening and Beau felt herself shake ever so slightly. "I..." Her eyes fell on Yasha's, who's brows were knitted in confusion as she watched Beau struggle with the simple question. "I... I'm n.... nnnn…" She tried again to force it out of her body and it wouldn't come. Beau was a frightened deer caught in Yasha's confused gaze. She stared at Yasha in fear, knowing there was no saving herself now... the damage was done. Yasha knew now what she'd been trying to hide from her and herself...

 

Jester gasped and her mouth hung open in shock as she realized Beau was trying to say no... but the word refused to leave her throat. "You're in love with Yasha!?" Jester asked again and Beau turned her scared eyes back to Jester, frozen and pleading with her to end the spell.

 

" _Jester..._ " Fjord admonished, feeling the pain and fear in Beau's eyes. He'd never seen Beau looked scared like that before and he felt his stomach sink, wanting to protect her, but not knowing how.

 

"Are... Are you?" Jester didn't head the warning, wanting badly to hear Beau admit it and not seeming to understand the vulnerable place she'd put Beau in.

 

Beau once again glanced back to Yasha and swallowed hard... Yasha didn't say anything. Beau took a shaky breath before looking down and pushing her chair back from the table and without a word walked away from the table and out of the tavern door.

 

"Jester... Why?" Fjord asked and Jester looked at him with surprise, still reeling from what her investigation had uncovered.

 

It was then Yasha knew... But she should have known. All the signs were there... As the others admonished Jester for prying where she shouldn't have, Yasha pushed back from the table and followed Beau out the door.

 

She took a second to scan the streets before her eyes found the familiar blue of Beau's robes. Her feet hesitated for a second before she willed them to move and she took after her down the street.

"Beau..."

 

Yasha watched as Beau's shoulders stiffened and the girl seemed to retreat into herself.

 

"I'm not..." Beau was finally free to say... but the words were hallow... empty and untrue. Beau turned to Yasha and looked physically pained as though she were fighting off tears from forming.

 

Yasha frowned and looked about them as people milled about their daily routines. She glanced back to Beau and gently and cautiously approached her, before placing a hand on her lower back and leading her to a quiet ally where she wouldn't have to experience her vulnerability in front of a number of strangers.

 

Once alone, Yasha gave Beau a minute to collect herself. Beau simply stared down into the dirt, dejected as Yasha watched her, unsure what to say.

 

Yasha's chest hurt in a way she hadn't expected as she watched Beau try to hide from her. "I..." Yasha started and then stopped unsure how to continue.

 

"Don't... Can we just... pretend like this never happened?" Beau asked, her eyes still refusing to meet Yasha's.

 

Yasha looked to her feet and leaned back against the wall, crossing her arms against her chest and biting her lip. "Is... is that what you want?"

 

"Yeah..." Beau said quietly but the word seemed to crack in her throat and Yasha shook her head.

 

"Why... didn't you say anything?" Yasha asked.

 

Beau stayed silent for a good minute and Yasha didn't prod for anything else as she waited patiently for Beau to speak again. "I've... never..." she stopped and even though Beau wasn't looking at her, Yasha could hear her sniffle slightly. Beau shook her head and put on a stoic face. "I've never even had _friends_ before... Everyone I've ever known... they've always just... _left_. And now.. I..." Beau frowned at herself in anger and refused to look in Yasha's direction. "...You _always_ leave..." She finally looked up and met Yasha's pained gaze.

 

Suddenly all of Beau's behaviour started to make sense... Beau had tried to push Yasha away in order to save herself the pain of feeling rejected- _abandoned_ by her.

 

"I will always come back..." Yasha said quietly.

 

"You can't know that."

 

Yasha didn't argue... She knew Beau was right. She couldn't know that. She couldn't know for sure that she'd always make it back unscathed... or even that Beau would still be with them when she did... The world was full of uncertainties.

 

She should have known that this would happen... but she didn't. She should have known that Beau had slowly been falling for her and tearing herself apart over it... but she didn't. But most of all, she should have known that when it all came to a head she'd realize, she loved her too.

 

"What if I stayed?"


End file.
